|
All rights reserved: no part of this document may be reproduced by any means without the written permission of Roland van Duijn (RvD).
No fur-bearing animals were harmed during the creation of this document.
Allergy alert: may contain nutmeg, but we doubt it.
Return for refund where applicable.
Not recommended for persons with sugar-restricted diets.
Batteries are included -- best of luck finding them.
Proud sponsor of the 1934 penguin olympic games at McMurdo Sound, Antarctica.
May cause irritability, sleeplessness or warts after prolonged use.
Contents under pressure.
Vodka added to preserve freshness.
Caution: this product has caused some laboratory rats to rip through their cages, fly across the room and brutally murder hundreds of innocent people.
Shake well before using.
No vacuum tubes or other user-serviceable parts inside.
Not to be combined with other radioisotopes except under the advice of a physician.
Avoid prolonged exposure to ultraviolet light.
The truth is out there.
Use no hooks.
Not intended for use by children or liberals under the age of five.
Printed on unrecycled dead trees and we're proud of it.
This product is meant for educational purposes only.
Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental.
Void where prohibited.
Some assembly required.
List each check separately by bank number.
Batteries not included after all.
Contents may settle during shipment.
Use only as directed.
No other warranty expressed or implied.
Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment.
Postage will be paid by addressee.
Subject to approval.
This is not an offer to sell securities.
Apply only to affected area.
May be too intense for some viewers.
Do not stamp.
Use other side for additional listings.
For recreational use only.
Do not disturb.
All models over 18 years of age.
If condition persists, consult your physician.
No user-serviceable parts inside.
Freshest if eaten before date on carton.
Subject to change without notice.
Times approximate.
Simulated picture.
No postage necessary if mailed in the United States.
Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement.
For off-road use only.
As seen on TV.
One size fits all.
Many suitcases look alike.
Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients.
Colors may, in time, fade.
We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you.
Slippery when wet.
For office use only.
Not affiliated with the American Red Cross.
Drop in any mailbox.
Edited for television.
Keep cool; process promptly.
Post office will not deliver without postage.
List was current at time of printing.
Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward.
Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform.
At participating locations only.
Not the Beatles.
Penalty for private use.
See label for sequence.
Substantial penalty for early withdrawal.
Do not write below this line.
Falling rock.
Lost ticket pays maximum rate.
Your cancelled check is your receipt.
Add toner.
Place stamp here.
Avoid contact with skin.
Sanitized for your protection.
Be sure each item is properly endorsed.
Sign here without admitting guilt.
Slightly higher west of the Mississippi.
Employees and their families are not eligible.
Beware of dog.
Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show.
Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery.
You must be present to win.
No passes accepted for this engagement.
No purchase necessary.
Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton.
Shading within a garment may occur.
Use only in well-ventilated area.
Keep away from fire or flame.
Replace with same type.
Approved for veterans.
Booths for two or more.
Check here if tax deductible.
Some equipment shown is optional.
Price does not include taxes.
No Canadian coins.
Not recommended for children.
Prerecorded for this time zone.
Reproduction strictly prohibited.
No solicitors.
No alcohol, dogs, or horses.
No anchovies unless otherwise specified.
Restaurant package, not for resale.
List at least two alternate dates.
First pull up, then pull down.
Call toll free before digging.
Driver does not carry cash.
Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub.
Decision of judges is final.
This supersedes all previous notices.
All comics are poisonous and not intended for internal consumption.
All items are classified as "NON-FOOD".
They are not to be eaten or drank.
Do not use in any manner unspecified or unauthorized by RvD.
RvD assumes no liability for unauthorized uses of his products.
For example (for those who exist soley to keep the human aspect of Murphy's Law alive):
Do not eat as a food or herbal dietary supplement.
Do not drink as a beverage or make tea out of.
Do not inject in any form.
Do not stick, put, insert or throw in your or another person's mouth, nose, ear, eye, anus or any other orifice that may exist on your or another person's body.
Do not wet any dried organic with water and let sit and rot, then smear the black maggot-infested stinky slop on your or another person's body or insert it in any of the orafices previously mentioned.
Do not light with fire and use that fire to injure yourself or another or any personal or public property.
Do not leave in the middle of the floor and trip or slip on to injure yourself or another.
There is not enough room here to list all the possible "do nots".
If you still can not keep from harming yourself or others or property with RvD products then you should probably go to bed and stay there for the rest of your life. No, then you would get bed sores and bring suit against the bed or sheet manuacturer, or RvD for telling you to do it....
|
